Faith's Weight Loss Journey

Out Of The 20s

2011-05-05T07:50:00.000-04:00

Finally! Im out of the 320s. I hope my weight continues to go down. I was stuck there for a very long time. But this morning when I weighed myself, I was at 319. Ive been really focusing lately about my eating. I was getting lazy again and just making whatever I can find for dinner and also eating things I knew I shouldn’t. When I was hungry I would just find whatever was easy to make. My main snack focus lately has been pistachios. It takes some time to get into them which makes me eat less. And ive also been listening to my body more when it says to stop eating that its full. By doing this, ive seen weight loss. Ive also realized how important it is to stay hydrated. People say that all the time. I often forget to drink during the day until I get really dehydrated and then drink a whole gallon of something. I get really thirst or maybe some of it is in my head when im out and about at stores. Instead of grabbing the Sobe, I grab a diet soda. I really want the regular soda because it does taste better, but I remember how much better it is for me to get the diet so I do. This posting is pretty much just a random here there and everywhere post. Im just excited to finally be out of the 20s and hopefully not go back. Next goal is just 2 more pounds at 317. That will put me at 60 pounds gone. 2 more pounds after that puts me at the weight I was at when I got pregnant with Elias. Little goals are much more achievable than big ones. Im not sure what the next one will be. Maybe 306 since that’s 100 pounds away from my goal weight. Wow, I cant believe im close to that 100 pound away goal. Blows my mind.

Well Dont Think I Will Make Goal

2011-04-22T19:24:00.000-04:00

Only 1 week until my bandiversary. Hard to believe its been a whole year. I really wanted to lose a much larger number. But with the miscarriage, well what can I do. Ive been stuck a bit since my last blog posting. I guess I had lost so much so quickly my body was like wait a minute. But I didn’t give up and I kept pressing on through it. Today im at 323. Yay my lowest! To meet my goal of 317 on the 29th seems impossible and pretty much unhealthy. That would be 1 pound a day. This weekend will be a challenge. We are spending it in Washington DC which means lots of eating out. Im hoping I can control my carbs. I know going to Georgetown Cupcake wont help at all. But with the walking we will do, if I can control it hopefully I will have a successful week and at least loose 2 or 3 pounds. On another note, im definitely in a size 22. I went shopping for some shorts and didn’t really find any. One thing I got excited about was that I was able to squeeze (and I do mean squeeze) into a size 20 jean shorts! It gives me hope.

6 Pounds, 10 Days

2011-03-27T14:58:00.003-04:00

So things are still going good. Im working by butt off and it shows on the scale. Down to 326 this morning! 1 more pound to go to get back to where I was. Maybe ill hi that goal after all. My clothes are starting to get big again. I wish old man winter would go away. I dont want to buy any more jeans. Summer will be here soon and that means shorts and capris. I might have to invest in a belt though to get me through lol

6 Months Later...

2011-03-17T22:07:00.001-04:00

And here we are nearly 6 months later. I haven’t forgotten about this blog but to be completely honest, I was too depressed to write anything. Not long after my last blog, I found out I was pregnant. We were really surprised. It wasn’t a really planned thing but of course we weren’t preventing it either. Unfortunately, I had yet another miscarriage.

At first things looked like they were going ok. My levels were going up like they should. Then I started bleeding. My levels went down and it was assumed I was miscarrying. I was hoping that my body would take care of things naturally like the last time but unfortunately that didn’t happen. My levels instead of continuing to drop, started to rise. It was not a steady rise and definitely not high enough to indicate a viable pregnancy. My doctors were really confused. They didn’t see anything in my tubes or anywhere it shouldn’t have been. They saw nothing. But what the heck would cause my levels to rise as if I was still pregnant? Finally my doctor decided that since they didn’t know what was going on, I needed to have a D&C. I went in for the procedure the day before Thanksgiving. It was very emotional for me. After the procedure, I continued to have to do blood work and doctor follow-ups all the time. It really wore me out. I felt like a human pin cushion.

I gained a lot of weight back because of my hormones being out of control. My doctor told me not to stress about it but of course I did. How could I not? My body was in control and I wasn’t. I definitely didn’t like that feeling one bit. So here we are in March, and I have finally been cleared by my doctor to pick up where I left off in my weight loss. 2 weeks ago I went in for a much needed band adjustment. I was trying to stay off the scale because I knew I had gained a ton. I about cried when I stepped on the scale and it said 340. That’s 15 pounds I gained back since September. My surgeon totally understood and was sympathetic with the situation that had happened and also reassured me that it wasn’t my fault. So on March 2nd I got my adjustment. Tonight, 15 days since my adjustment, I am down to 332. 8 pounds in 2 weeks. I shouldn’t complain right? Its just so hard. I stick to the foods I know I should eat as best as I can. Perhaps that’s why I really have lost so much. But im definitely not where I want to be right now. I cant wait to get back to that 325 so I can pick up where I left off.

I have huge goals for the coming months. By April 29th I want to be at 317. That’s 15 pounds to lose in 43 days. So about 2-3 pounds a week. April 29th is my bandiversary. That would put me at a 60 pound weightloss in 1 year. I really wanted to be under 300 but I know now that’s unrealistic because of the problems I had. So im keeping it real. Its time to buckle down, stay on track with my eating, and find some workouts that I can stick with. I actually found out today I can do jumping jacks. It sounds stupid but I didn’t realize I could do them. I remember trying before and I could do like 3 or 4 before I felt like I was going to die. I was able to push out 20 this morning no problem. Also, as the weather gets better I will get back outside walking. I bought a treadmill but its just not the same. Once I get my walking routine back going at least I will have the treadmill for a rainy day.

With all that said, im asking for everyones support as I try to make this 6 week weightloss goal! I know I can do it! And with everyones encouragement, it will be that much easier.

I Made My Goal On Time!

2010-09-30T13:58:00.000-04:00

I did it! That’s right. I reached my goal by Elias’s birthday! 325 On his birthday. And unfortunately, im still holding there. I went for a fill about a week ago. My surgeon thought that this might do the trick for me. Unfortunately, I think he was wrong. I still feel like I can eat whatever I want and as much as I want. I now have 8.4cc in my 11cc band. I think that’s a lot! He assured me though that theres no way I would be filled all the way. I hope he is right. Because in all honesty, im worried about it! He also said I was right on target where he thought I should be. I feel like im not. I need to stay off of the scale but its hard. All my clothes are big. I can see the change in pictures. But the number is throwing me off. Im down 52 pounds. That’s amazing! But Im still fat. I knew the process was going to be slow. But now its slowing down a lot. Im working my butt off. I can see how my abilities have changed losing this 50 pounds. I can do a lot more than I could before surgery.

I got new shoes today. I wore through my old sneakers within a month. I guess that’s what I get for buying cheap shoes. Its all the walking ive been doing I suppose. I bought a pair of those shape up type shoes. They are pretty cool. I can’t wait until the rain stops so I can try them out. They feel strange at first but they aren’t hard to walk in. I hope that will help me step up my walking a bit more. I also bought a pair of running shoes for every day wearing. Im hoping the extra support in the heal will help me not wear through them as quickly. Today I also went over and checked out the other gym on post. Anderson Field House sucks. When I went there, I felt like it was itty bitty and it was just really uncomfortable. Like the people who were there were staring at me or something. So today I went and checked out McClellan Fitness Center. That place is much nicer! It has a bigger area for treadmills, elliptical and those kind of machines. It also has a weight room, a rock climbing wall, and they offer a couple classes during the week. I peaked in on the Tae Bo class and OMG I don’t think I’m ready to keep up with them yet that’s for sure! I need some kind of class that’s just for fat people who can only work out for 30 minutes or so at a time. Does something like that exist in our area? Im not sure.

Not much more of an updated except for a few new clothing fits ive made. I was able to get into my wedding dress from 8+ years ago! It was snug on the top which I expected. I had no boobs before Elias came along! I remember when they were doing my fitting that they had to take it in quite a bit. Now being a mom, I have boobs! But my dress went on and zipped up! I felt amazing! I got out my winter coat yesterday to see how that fit. I did it because I was in the store the other day and looked at a couple jackets. Our of curiosity I tried one on and the size I tried, fit! So I put on my old coat and its huge! Im definitely going to be in the market for a new one this winter. And its going to be exciting because I will be able to shop at a lot of stores for one instead of settling on just the one that fits. Also, aunt had given my mom some clothes that someone had given her. I had looked through them and there wasn’t much I liked. There was this one outfit that looked cute. It was jeans and a jean jacket. I tried on the jacket then and I couldn’t even get it over one arm to put on. Today, I tried the jacket on and it fit perfectly! It’s a size 18/20. Definitely encouraging! Also some of the long sleeve shirts that I got when we did a clothing exchange at my weight loss support group fit now! Even if the scale tells me im fat, im fitting into smaller clothes and looking better every day. I need to focus more on that and be proud of myself for my accomplishments!

50 Pounds Baby!!!!

2010-09-10T08:27:00.003-04:00

OMG!!!!!!!!! I never thought this day would come when I first began this journey. I have lost 50 pounds!!!!!!!

5o pounds is a huge deal… but im 2 pounds away from my goal of weighing what I weighed when I gave birth to Elias. I want that goal to be reached by his 7th birthday which is on September 25th. I think it’s something I can totally achieve. I need to put a little bit more effort in when it comes to exercising. I’ve been slacking since it was so darn hot out this summer. I went for a nice walk the other day which blew my mind. Typically my body can stand a mile and that’s about all. Come on, im fat remember? But the other night I got in about 3 miles!

Anyway, I bought this thing called a BodyBugg. You may have seen it on the biggest loser. You wear it on your left arm and it calculates how many calories you burn throughout the day, including your everyday activities and resting time. It’s a nifty little thing. It also shows you how many steps you have taken, how much “activity” you have done, meaning your heart rate was elevated and it’s considered cardio. You also can log all your calorie intake information onto the program. The goal is to have a deficit every day. Your weight loss per week is dependent on how much of a deficit you have. Right now I have my BodyBugg set to consume 1000 calories a day, and burn 2500, giving me a 1500 deficit. Im thinking about kicking it up a bit and moving my calories burned to 3000. But, I want to give it a week or so to make sure that each day I am able to burn 2500. Also, sometimes I am struggling to eat 1000 calories. It’s not what you typically hear, where someone goes over their limit. Sometimes I only get between 600-800 calories in. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I’ve noticed when I get in more calories though, closer to that 1000 mark or even a bit over that my weight loss kicks up a bit. So perhaps my body really does need more calories to keep going. But I find myself eating not so healthy foods to do that. But, it helps! So I’m not sure what to do about it. I’m sure if I talk to my doctor about it he will tell me to eat more healthy foods to increase my calorie intake. But, at the same time, if it’s doing the same thing by eating not so great goods, why should I deprive myself? Well, maybe that answer is because it will bring me back to old bad habits. Anyway, this BodyBugg thing is pretty cool. And I think its going to give me the motivation to exercise more and keep those calories burning!

So, what weight does that put me at? If you are even slightly good at math you can figure that out. I started at 377. But, instead of just typing the number, here is a picture of the number on the scale :)

Slow And Steady

2010-08-31T11:15:00.001-04:00

So it’s been a long time since I have updated. So much going on, so little time. Things are going good I suppose. The weight loss is starting to be noticed by people. Its hard when you weigh so much and then you lose a decent bit and since you’re still huge, no one really notices. I started at a size 30 jean. Im now comfortably in a size 24. The outfit I bought to wear to Sean’s grandmothers funeral had a jacket and pants. That was a size 22. So that felt nice. My biggest issue right now is my bras. Okay maybe its too much information but I don’t care! Im going to have to shop for some new ones soon. Im so picky when it comes to them to begin with. So im sure it will be a challenge. They are getting too big and just not working like they should. Im just afraid to spend more money on something that may not last long.

My actual weight loss is going slowly. I was supposed to go in for an adjustment to my band this past Thursday, but because of Sean’s grandmothers passing, I had to cancel. The doctor that I see is in the process of moving into his own practice instead of sharing with his partner. So that is delaying a lot of things. They told me they would call me sometime in September to schedule an adjustment. That feels like forever away! My doctor told me to come in somewhere between 3 and 6 weeks to get an adjustment after the last one. Thursday will be 5 weeks. I feel like I need the adjustment but maybe I just need to fit my eating. The strangest thing about eating is that I don’t think im eating enough throughout the day. I usually skip breakfast. Usually ill get a little something for lunch, and then ill eat dinner. Most of it has to do with the restriction that I feel in the morning into the afternoon. I don’t feel like I can eat. But I need to start forcing myself to eat a little something. I notice when I take a day off and just eat whatever junk I want that the next day, im down a pound. I don’t get it! I feel so guilty after eating it all, and then I weigh myself and boom! Down. Its definitely not healthy to do that and im sure if I do that too often, it could lead to an eating disorder or something. I don’t throw it up or anything. But still, its not healthy and it makes me feel sick.

I’ve had my goal of 325 in mind for awhile. I keep changing the date im going to get there. I started this process losing a lot at the very beginning. I think that threw me off. A good weight loss is 1-2 pounds at most per week. Well, right now im averaging about 1 pound. So that is good right? But it makes me feel like its never going to happen! Im determined to reach that 325 though by Elias’s birthday. That’s how much I weighed when he was born, so it would be appropriate! Its not unobtainable. 25 days to go down 6 pounds. I’ve got this. Current weight as of this morning: 331... making me down 46 pounds.

No Real Update

2010-07-19T11:02:00.001-04:00

Well, I feel like I should update since I havent lately but I really don’t have anything to update on. I am noticing that I have no restriction. That’s really bothers me. I can eat normally, which isn’t supposed to be happening! I was schedule to go in for a fill in August but I was able to get it moved up to July 29th. I am dreading the barium swallow after the events that took place last time. I don’t know if its avoidable or not, but im gonna talk to my dr about it. I hate that my weigh is just at a stand still. Even though the numbers are the same, it seems that I am still losing a little somehow.

In my last blog posting I was able to find a pair of size 24 jeans that I got into. Last night I decided to try on 2 pair of jeans at places that I had tried them on before and they didn’t fit. I grabbed a pair of size 24 at the first store… they fit! I was so excited. The second store, last time I couldn’t even get into a 26. I said well, im gonna grab a 24 anyway LOL. And… they fit! With more and more of my jeans becoming size 24, I can pretty much say that im in that size now. As for tops, it all depends. Im in about a 16/18 or there abouts. It all depends on the style and where I buy them. I also bought a dress to wear for our anniversary dinner and that was a size 22. There was no give it that dress, so its safe to say that’s where im at for dresses!

It has been soooo hot out lately. Its really keeping me from going to the track like I was. If we can get a walk in a couple times a week, we are doing good. Its upsetting because I know that it’s a key component to losing weight. But, im not gonna kill myself out in that heat! One day I was so over heated I thought I was going to pass out. That’s just working it too hard. I really just can’t wait until my fill and to hopefully go down another 5-10 pounds. I was losing at such a great rate and then it just stopped. My goal of 325 by our anniversary was just way too big of a goal. I’ve kinda pushed that to Elias’s birthday now that I realize its not going to come off that quickly any more. Current Weight: 338.

The Little Things

2010-06-16T12:01:00.002-04:00

Every little accomplishment gets me so excited. I don't have much to blog about today except for this one little thing.

So I have been looking around for some new jeans since my pants fell off getting out of the car. But being summer, its been hard! Well, yesterday Sean and I hit up the pool at the YMCA after a little workout. Ummm my bathing suit is getting too big, especially on top. I went under the water and had to hold onto it as I came up LOL! So, I suppose its time to start looking for a new one. Fat person + bathing suit shopping = a nightmare! I actually really like the bathing suit I have so it sucks to be on the lookout for a new one.

So, I had this game stop gift card I wanted to spend so I went over to the mall. By the way, I bought Jillian Michaels Fitness Ultimatum 2010. That should kick my butt here at home a bit. Anyway, I decided to venture over to JC Penneys to check out their bathing suits. Of course, I cant just look at that. I have to look around at everything. I came across these $40 jeans that were on sale for $15. Hmmmm tempting price. I look at the sizes and realize they only go up to 24. Yeah thats big, but im bigger... or so I thought. I started at a size 30 jean! I kind of skipped a bit through the 28s and have found myself in a 26. For $15 though, maybe I can garb the 24s and be in them in a couple weeks.

So, I picked them up and headed to the fitting room. I sware it was lik ewalking to my death or something. Knowing that I am going to go in there and be disappointed, even though I picked them up off the rack knowing they were a size smaller than I was wearing. So, I put one leg in... ok... next leg... ok... over my big bugg.. wow ok they go up. Button... zip... They are on! Holy crap! Did I seriously just fit into a 24? I totally did. So I march my happy self to the check out counter and buy myself a new pair of jeans! I am tempted to go back and get a 22 just to have hanging around for when the time comes. But, its so much more fun to go shopping and have that element of surprise when the next size fits. So yay for my little accomplishment for the day!

40 Pound Mark!!

2010-06-12T15:45:00.003-04:00

Well, I can officially say that since starting this journey, I have lost 40 pounds!! That of course does include my 9 days of pre-op diet. Today I weighed 337.

Since my last blog, my weight had been going up and down and up and down. So there wasn't really much to update on. It was quiet disappointing, but I knew that was how it was going to be. My surgeon told me that is very typical for someone who needs a fill. After all, there has been nothing in my band.

Tuesday I went for my first fill. I now have 5cc in my 11cc band. My surgeon told me that he can usually tell if someone is going to come close to filling their band before they find their "sweet spot" based on how much they have lost at the first fill. He told me he doesn't expect me to come close. That is a great thing to hear!

The whole fill process didn't worry me, but I did experience a slight scare. Im not afraid of needles in the least bit, and seeing my internal organs or bones doesnt bother me at all. So, I stand in this half circle type machine that is basically an x-ray machine. It shows my stomach and the band around it, and also the port. He took a small needle with numbing stuff and numbed my port area. It was just slightly uncomfortable. Just like a bee sting but went away very quickly. After that, he took a larger needle (which I didnt watch or even feel) and injected the stuff into the port. It went perfectly into my band.

Now, for the scary part. Im not good when it comes to eating/drinking things that are just nasty. During the fill, I had to take sips of barium to make sure that it went through the opening of the band perfectly. Well, I took one sip. Nasty!!! I said ok I can do this maybe one more time. He knew that I wasn't good with this kind of stuff. Well, after the 3rd sip of it, my body started acting crazy. My esophagus started spasming and I of course was gagging because of the taste. Instead of making me drink anymore he just had me keep swallowing. That was fine. But my body hated it so much that I started shaking, and felt like I was going to pass out. The procedure itself only took maybe 5 minutes or so. They saw how pale I had turned and got me sitting down. I put a cool rag on the back of my neck and sat there for about 3 or 4 minutes. My color started to come back, the nasty taste was getting out of my mouth, and I was alright. It was just really scary. At least now I know how my body is going to react to barium. Its just one of those things I guess. They told me I wasn't the first person that has experienced that. And that next time, they will put a cool rag on my neck from the beginning. Im not very worried about it because I know its nothing that is wrong with my band, or any kind of allergic reaction. Its just me and my darn gagging.

So, since Tuesday ive been on a liquid diet again. It hasn't been bad at all. Im full just like I was at the beginning of surgery. The only difference is now I dont have gas, and I know what real hunger pains feel like. Tonight I can start on mushy foods. That will continue tomorrow as well. On Monday I can go back to normal foods. Not all surgeons have you go liquid, mushy, solids after a fill, but I think its a good thing and im ok that my dr has me doing that.

I havent posted any pictures, and I think its about time (that is, if I can figure out how to on here!). Ive had 2 accomplishments lately. The first, I was able to get into my Jr. Prom dress! Jr Prom was 10 years ago! So that definately felt great! It made me realize how big my boobs have gotten though LOL!!! I know thats thanks to having a kid. They never went away. So the dress fit differently. I tried on my wedding dress and could only get that zipped half way up because of the boob issue too. I had to have my wedding gown taken in quiet a bit on top. My most exciting accomplishment came today. I had a pair of camo pants that I bought 4 years ago. I wans't able to stay in them for long. I think I wore them once, maybe twice before I just couldnt squeeze into them anymore. I tried them on before surgery, and couldnt get them over my big butt. So these jeans have really been my first goal pants. And today, they are up, zipped, buttoned, and comfortable!!!

My next weight goal is 325. I would love to be able to get there by our 8th wedding anniversary next month. Its a big task but im hopeful. I was 325 when I gave birth to Elias nearly 7 years ago.

Ooooooooh Gummy Bears

2010-05-25T19:52:00.002-04:00

Im in heaven right now. Im chowing down on some yummy gummy bears. Okay I know not the healthiest thing to be snacking on. But my goodness ive been craving them for awhile. Gummys are my favorite. But i've been so afraid to try any for fear of them getting stuck. It's hard to chew them small and all. But my secret sister from MSSN sent me some tiny gummy bears in a package. And omg they are the most perfect size. So yeah, im in heaven!

I had an awesome weekend this past weekend. I went to visit some wonderful friends in North Carolina. I needed to get away so bad. I miss them terribly. While I was there, I discovered I could eat hamburger! Yay! I have to say it felt so good to be able to eat the same thing as the people around me. Of course I didn't eat it on a bun or with any toppings (except cheese and catsup). But it was delicious. I asked Sean to take something out of the freezer for me to cook tonight for dinner. He took out steak because he knows how much I love me a good steak. The truth is, I was scared to death to try and eat it. I've heard a lot of people have issues with it after being banded. Well, it took me an hour to eat a little 3oz steak, but it went down with no problems!!!

On another even more exciting note, it looks like my weight loss has picked up again. Thank goodness! I think it has to do with the fact that im actually eating real food now so that my body has something to burn. Drum roll please... I weighed in this morning at 338!!!! Im out of the 340s!! Yes!!!!!!!! My next goal is 325, how much I weighed when I gave birth to Elias. The goal is in sight. I can tell more and more than the weight is coming off. Not only are my clothes getting bigger, but I can fit into old clothes! Before surgery I bought a pair of jeans 2 sizes smaller than what I was wearing. I was able to someone squeeze tightly into them but I definately had a ways to go. Today, im wearing them. And surprise surprise, there are even a little bit big!! My favorite pair of camo jeans are next. I can get them on and I can button and zip them. But, they are still a little bit tight (in the butt mostly lol). My fingers are crossed that come this weekend, they will fit.

So the last few days have been great. No complaints! And I am so encouraged today by the number of the scale, and the number on the tag of my jeans!

No No No!!!

2010-05-20T10:44:00.003-04:00

So, im one of the unlucky ones. I guess its common though. After starting on soft foods, I see the number going up. No!!! I keep telling myself its ok its to be expected. After all, I was on straight liquids. Of course drinking water and eating ice for 2 weeks will make you lose weight. Im getting anxious to get my first fill. When that happens, ill start to lose the weight again. I don't go in for that until June 10th which seems like an eternity from now. If I gain back everything ive lose im going to be pissed. Im going the wrong way!!!

Im trying not to let that get me down though. Ive started working out at the YMCA. I do about 30 minutes of cardio. I know thats not a lot but my body is already asking me what the heck im doing. I also think I did a little bit too much around the house this week. My stomach hurts bad. So I have to take it easy (yeah right).

Today I am supposed to start solid foods. That means pretty much anything is fair game. But, im scared! I don't want food to get stuck. I don't want to gain any weight. But I can't go on not eating anything forever. I need to get the protein and other stuff in my body. When I do eat, I don't eat a lot. Im not sure if I feel full or not when I do eat. I think its more like my brain says okay its time to stop. I measure out everything I eat and use a small plate so that I don't eat too much. So that cant be the reason im gaining. I need to step away from the apple juice though. It has a lot of sugar and im becoming addicted to it. I don't want my body to depend on that sugar. Time to get it out of the house.

15 Days Out

2010-05-14T08:29:00.000-04:00

Today I am 15 days post op. Im feeling pretty darn good. Yesterday I had some crazy pains in my left lower side. After thinking about it, I’ve come to the conclusion that it could have been ovulation pain. But, im not certain. My RE told me my left ovary was basically crap and wasn’t doing anything. Perhaps the weight I have lost has kicked it back into working. Who knows. But the pain isn’t there now and that is a good thing.

Im eating soft foods now. I thought that the liquid phase was tough. Boy was I wrong. Its easier for me to eat nothing than to come up with a soft food item. I lived for 2 days off chicken taco casserole (thanks to Jan and JT for teaching me that recipe!). We shredded the chicken so it could go down easily and it did. Im seriously thinking about making more, although I know my body needs to get into the habit of eating other things. I don’t like eggs, yogurt, oatmeal, protein drinks, and things along those lines. So it really makes it hard. I only have 6 more days though on this stage and I can move on to whole foods. Even then, im nervous about eating regular food. Im afraid of getting food stuck at my band. But, I wont know whats going to happen until I try it.

Yesterday we got a family membership to the YMCA. I’m excited about that. There are a few classes I would like to try out including a family kickboxing class. And I can sign Elias up for swimming lessons again.

As far as my weight loss, ive noticed it has slowed down a lot, which is normal. Perhaps its too much information, but I would rather weigh myself without clothes on. Clothes add weight and each item weighs a different amount. So I never know what the deal is. So, today’s naked weight (which ill be using from now on) was 340! I haven’t seen that number before. That means since surgery, im down 26 pounds! I can tell the different in my clothes. My jeans are getting too big. In fact, one of the pair I had up in the attack because they were too small, fit me perfectly today! So that’s encouraging. Well, time to get off this blasted computer and get to the case lot sale at the commissary!

Doctors Visit

2010-05-10T20:52:00.001-04:00

Well, today was doctor day. And it went really well. It started off with a quick visit with the nutritionist. I had asked for an appointment to meet with her about the protein issues and she had an opening right then. That went really well. She told me not to worry about it so much. Making sure I get all my liquids in (water mainly) and I would be alright. I told her that I kept feeling nauseous and she thought it was because im not drinking enough. I suppose its possible. Buts its constant drinking all the time! And about the desire to take big sips, she said its better to do a little too much than not enough. So, the protein shake mixes are going back to the store and im done with them.

So days weigh in at the doctors office was 343. Im very happy with that number. If you read my first blog posting, you would know I haven’t seen this number in over 4 years. So I have to be happy about it! My surgeon told me that my weight loss after surgery was the most he had seen in months! So that was very encouraging. He talked to me a little bit about my liver. He said it was pretty big, which was to be expected because of my size. Also, the hernia I had was very large as well. It was really pushing my up on my stomach I guess. It really explains all the reflux I was having. I even got to see a picture they took during surgery after my band was in place. Maybe im weird but I like those kinda things!

So, the phase im on now is soft foods. If you happen to think of a good recipe of food that would work for me, let me know. Ive got to stay away from starchy foods and stay as low carb, high protein as possible. I had a little piece of cheddar cheese tonight. It seemed to go down ok. I think the hardest thing will be not drinking during my meal. I stay on soft foods for 10 days and then can move on to solids. YAY! Looking forward to that, but at the same time nervous that im going to get “stuck” a lot.

Holy Hydration Batman!

2010-05-07T21:45:00.002-04:00

I think I have drank more water today than I have in the last week. I dont know what the deal is. Obviously its good for me to be taking in a good amount of liquid. I was outside for a good portion of the day today. Maybe it was the heat that had me drinking. I found it more difficult today to take small sips and to spread them out. All I wanted to do was guzzle the entire bottle of water.

I also had a snow cone... or maybe rather an ice cone LOL. It was nice to be eat the same "something" that the rest of the people around me were eating.. even though it was a bit different. Everyone at the event I went to on post was eating! There was snow cones, cotton candy, cookies, chips, hot dogs, cake and who knows what else! Part of me really wanted that junk but Im determined to make this work!

Tomorrow should be a fun day. We are going up to Kings Dominion for the day. I'll be one of those cool people riding around in a motorized cart. I dont have a problem walking around for a little while but after a good 20 minutes of continual walking, im done for! Im not going to let my pain ruin everyones fun. I hope they don't mind that I bring water into the park. I've seen people take bottles of water to other theme parks so I dont see why they would.

So not too much else going on. Oh, I didn't take any pain medication all day today! Thats a huge improvement! I think im going to take one though here in a little bit before heading to bed. Getting comfortable in bed is still a challenge but is getting better. I typically sleep on my right side. Wouldn't ya know it, thats the side they placed my port for the band, and that area is what is still pretty tender. Eventually ill be able to sleep on my right side again... just like someday I will be able to eat normal food again. Im craving some potato soup. Perhaps not the "best" choice in food, but I should be able to eat some on Monday!

Oh yeah I cant forget todays weigh in. How does 346 sound? Sounds like something I havent seen for nearly 4 years! :)

Oh The Pain!

2010-05-05T18:24:00.003-04:00

Isn't having gas great? I've felt the horrible pains in my back and a bit in my neck for awhile. But today, the pain in my shoulder is killer. Maybe ive just been over doing it the last 2 days I dont know. I decided to drive today. The dr told me to wait about 5 days to drive. Today is day 6. Im pretty sure the reason was to make sure I wasn't driving while on the lovely pain killers he gave me.

Anyway, I was feeling ok after being up for a little bit and decided to drive a few places. While at the Dollar Store, I felt like I was burning up. It wasnt hot in there, although its been quite warm outside. I kept sipping on my water. Finally I decided I needed to go out to the car and sit for a little bit in the AC. I was ok after awhile. Next stop was to Ross's. Walked around for awhile and the same thing happened. I found a place to sit for a little while and felt ok. So I got up and started walking around a bit again, and once again I felt horrible and started sweating big time! So I decided it was time for me to again go and sit in the AC. For some reason when I was in the car I was perfectly fine. But every time I went into a store, I felt like something was wrong.

Our final stop was the commissary to pick up a few groceries. I drolled as I went down every isle. Does anyone think I could take an oreo and soak it in milk untl its mush and then eat that next week during my "mushy foods" stage? Anyway I was doing alright and then the pain in my shoulder kicked in. Lord have mercy it freaking hurt. Nothing I did helped. I took up, I sat down, I walked around, I rubbed it, nothing! Finally Sean showed up. At that point the pain was so bad I didnt trust myself driving home. So we checked out and he followed me most of the way home until I felt comfortable enough.

The first thing I got when I walked in the door was my beloved gas-x medicine! I was really hoping I wouldnt have to take another pain pill today until bed time but being in so much pain, I gave in. So now, I sit on the couch with a heating pad on my shoulder which I think is helping. Hopefully Sean has a handle on dinner tonight because I dont feel like doing anything right now. I didnt realize just how much pain can take out of you. I think part of my problem is i havent had any of my protein shake today. Blah! I know I need to though. But an ice pop sounds so much more appitizing.

And if you're curious what I weighed in at today, check it out. I dont have to worry about meeting that goal on Monday. I weighed in at 350 today! Woohoo! Crazy to see this weight drop off so fast!

Blasted Protein Shakes

2010-05-04T12:54:00.003-04:00

God I totally hate these protein shakes. I knew they were going to be an issue for me. Ive never liked any kind of "diet" shake. They just taste like crap to me. I know I need to get protein into my body. I've managed to get 1oz down today. Yesterday I was able to get 2oz down. Today, im shooting for 3oz. That really isn't a lot I know. But see, you cant just gulp it down. To learn to sip and drink slowly, I use a 1oz medicine cup. That 1oz cup should take me 15 minutes to drink. When its something you don't like, thats torture! So I take one sip of protein shake, and then a sip of crystal light to wash it down lol. I am really hoping by time I move to mushy foods that I will have a good idea of foods I can eat that are high in protein so I can eliminate these shakes. If you have any ideas, throw them my way!

Im still blown away by how fast this weight is coming off. I weighed in this morning at 352. I know that once I start on mushy foods and eventually solids, that the number will slow and possible go up for a brief period. But wow! I thought my goal of getting to 350 by my appointment on Monday was unrealistic. I guess not!

On another note, we start our training to become foster parents tonight! I am so excited! We have been looking forward to this for a long time and its finally here! All the classes will be completed this month. Im not sure what all happens next but I know we cant be too far off from being licensed! Its very exciting!

If you get a moment, please click up on the top left where it says "follow me" so that you receive my new updates. And feel free to comment! I love hearing from everyone and its encouraging to know that people out there are reading this!

A Little Background

2010-05-03T14:10:00.001-04:00

I have always been overweight. The reason behind it, I really don't know. Perhaps it was the foods I grew up eating, the lack of self esteem, or just putting myself last all these years. No matter the reason, I’ve struggled with weight my entire life.

The first time I realized I was "fat" was in 6th grade. I didn't understand why the gym teacher took my weight in her office alone rather than with the other kids. That year, I realized why. She didn't want me to feel embarrassed as the others weighed in at a normal range, and I weighed in at a whopping 206 pounds. That’s right...I was 206 pounds in 6th grade. I couldn't do a lot of the things the other kids did. Forget doing the mile run in gym class. I walked it and it took me forever. Forget getting picked to be on someone’s team. Who would want the fat kid? I tried to stay away from people as much as I could because I knew I wasn't liked. Of course there were other things going on in my life that didn't make it any easier. The easiest thing for me to do was make myself as unattractive as possible so I didn’t have to deal with it.

I tried to be active ate not eat a lot but that didn't do any good. The next time I remember getting weighed was in high school. 206 pounds had come and gone. I was now up to 265. Think about it. Could you imagine your 14 year old weighing 265 pounds? I was always dressed in sweat pants or anything baggy I could find. That surely didn’t help my appearance at all. But I didn't care.

When I moved to Maine, I decided it was time to make a change. I didn't know how to change my eating habits but it was definitely helpful to be with a family who didn't feed me cheeseburgers every night. I decided I wasn't going to let other people have control over my life. I tried to put the past behind me and move on. I really made 180 degree turn. Surprisingly, I started to make friends. I can't say that I became the best of friends with any of them. I mean I didn't know how to really make friends. I just tried to be involved in as many activities as I could so I wasn’t alone. I definitely didn't lose any weight through high school. In fact, I know I still gained some but how much I don’t know. But at that point, I at least felt better about myself!

Now fast forward a few years. Sean and I started talking to each other when I was still living in NY. People who heard about him laughed at me. I had an "internet boyfriend". Yeah, that’s weird. Especially for someone like me. But things kept going well between us, we finally met face to face, dated, and my senior year of high school we were engaged. Yep, I was pretty young. I never in a thousand years thought that someone would actually like me for me and look beyond my fatness. I moved to Michigan to go to college so I could be closer to Sean. Freshman year of college was amazing and I made some wonderful friends who I will cherish forever. The summer after my freshman year of college Sean and I got married! Our wedding was nice, but not what I wanted. I felt pretty in my wedding dress but, I was fat! I didn’t get to pick from a ton of dresses because of my size. That really sucked. Because of that, I settled on everything about the wedding. I really wish I hadn’t though. But I didn’t know any better. About 6 months after getting married, we found out that we were expecting a baby! A complete surprise and blessing. When I went to my first OB appointment, I had to stand on the blasted scale. I hadn’t gotten on one in years. I knew I was fat why did I need to see a number? Well, I stepped on it and I weighed 315 pounds. Wow. I cried that day. The first time I really remember crying over my weight. What was happening to me? My dr told me not to worry too much about it and to be careful what I ate, but not to neglect myself. Luckily, I weighed 325 when I gave birth to Elias, who weighed 8pounds 2oz. So I didn’t gain that much. Of course, the intense morning sickness I’m sure helped keep my weight gain low.

I’m sure most mothers know that after having a baby, you have absolutely no time for yourself. Our eating habits were horrible. The next thing I knew, I weighed 345. Up up and up the scale kept going. Absolutely nothing I tried helped. About 2 years after Elias was born, Sean decided he was going to go into the Army. He needed to get back into shape and I tagged along when I could to get some exercise. I never did step back on a scale after seeing that 345 despite the increased exercise. I figured it wouldn’t work anyway. Sean enlisted the summer of 2006. It was obvious at that point I was well over 350 pounds. Up until now we didn’t have any medical insurance. Now however, we had insurance through the Army. I decided to look into weight loss surgery. The only thing that our insurance would cover at the time was gastric bypass. As much as I wanted to get this weight off, I couldn’t bring myself to the point of letting someone cut off part of my stomach. The risks were just too great for me. I looked up information about the lap-band and thought that it would be a wonderful thing for me. But again, insurance wouldn’t cover it and we didn’t have the thousands of dollars to pay for it.

About 2 years later, I had a medical issue that needed to be taken care of. I went to the dr and of course, they made me step on the scale. I was up to 365. The dr of course said that I needed to lose weight. I started thinking about the lap-band again. I then found out that our insurance started covering the procedure. It became a reality that I could actually do that. The only problem, I wasn’t ready to give up food and my way of thinking about it. Fast forward to about a year ago. I decided I was sick and tired of being fat. I was still unsure about giving up the way I eat and things like that. My doctor really encouraged me to at least attend a seminar about the lap-band to get more information. I agreed. At first I was all ready to jump in and do it. Then, the more I thought about it I realized I wasn’t ready. What would be the deciding factor to make me get ready?
Well, that came in October. I had been going through fertility treatments for a good year. We finally got pregnant! Unfortunately, we lost the baby at 6 ½ weeks. Being overweight doesn’t cause a person to miscarry but of course, extra weight doesn’t help the issue at all. I decided enough was enough. I’ve had it with this weight. I was ready to commit. If getting this weight off would help us get pregnant, or open more possibilities in our fertility treatment, I am ready to do it. After leaving the fertility clinic, I went straight over to the weight loss clinic. I told them I was ready and got all the information needed for testing, psych evaluations, and the whole nine yards.

On March 8th I had a meeting with my surgeon. I weighed in at my heaviest 377 pounds. After examining me, he felt that I was a great candidate for the surgery. I was tall which is helpful, had a good amount of muscle, and was motivated to do this. I submitted my testing and other information required by insurance just before Easter. On April 20th I found out that my insurance had approved me for the surgery! I was so excited, scared, anxious, you name it! I figured it would be probably at least a month until surgery. Boy was I wrong. I got a call from my surgeons office that day. They had someone cancel their surgery scheduled on April 29th and wondered if I would like their spot. Oh my goodness… 9 days until surgery. I said yes and immediately started a pre-op diet. Many people have very strict pre-op diets however my surgeon wasn’t that way. He just asked that you switch to high protein and low carbs to try and prepare yourself for what is to come. I did the best I could and it definitely paid off. On April 26th I went to see the surgeon to sign my surgery papers. Of course, another weigh in. This time, I couldn’t believe it. The scale said 366. I said to the nurse omg I lost weight! She looked it up and sure enough, I was down 11 pounds. I had never in my entire life seen the scale go down. Talk about awesome motivation for the surgery.

So, finally April 29th came. I had so many different emotions running through my head. I could have very easily not gone to the hospital that day. But, I knew I had to. It was time for me to change. I couldn’t go on this way anymore. The nurse I had while I was in prep was great. So were the rest of the nurses during my entire stay at the hospital. My surgeon came in to see me and said, are you ready? I said yep! I went down to the operating room. I remember going from the bed I was in onto the operating table. I believe they then put a mask on me and I was out. Next thing I knew, I woke up in the recovery room. The nurse there was amazing. I kept saying it hurt and she pushed more pain meds into my IV. I know I was in recovery for a good amount of time but it felt like I was asking for pain meds every 5 minutes LOL. I remember saying to her that I was sorry I kept asking for meds. She told me not to worry about it and it was important for me to continue asking until I was comfortable. I dozed in and out for awhile while I waited to be transferred to my room. I remember asking if the surgery went ok and she said yes, and that the surgeon also repaired a hernia. A hernia? I didn’t even really know what that was or that I had one. But I was glad that it was fixed while he was in there. So for the next 24 hours I was in the hospital. The pain sucked. I tried to get up and walk around as much as possible. Before I knew it though, it was time to go home.

When I got home I was curious if I had lost any weight just in the 24 hours since surgery. I stepped up on the scale and was at 370. WTF? Then I remembered I had been pumped full of IV fluids, was bloated, had a lot of gas, and was swollen. So I didn’t worry about that number. I’ve weighed myself practically every day. Okay, more than once a day. But, the numbers are going down. I am so excited to say that this morning I weighed 357! That means including my pre-op diet up until now, I’ve lost a whopping 20 pounds. Of course I’m losing weight faster being on a liquid diet. My biggest fear is getting enough protein in my body. Protein shakes are not the best. On top of that, it is supposed to take me 15 minutes to drink 1oz of liquid. If you don’t know how much that is, go look for one of those medicine cups that come with liquid medication. That’s 1oz. If I could just gulp it down that would be easy. But, I can’t. So I’m learning how to sip slowly, and constantly. Its work that’s for sure.

Well, now you are caught up to where I am. I didn’t tell many people about my surgery because I didn’t want negative comments. Please don’t think that if I didn’t tell you it was because I thought you would be negative. I just didn’t tell many. And to be quite honest, being this big is embarrassing. I bet some of you couldn’t believe how much I weigh. Thankfully I hide a lot of it well. Anyway, please continue to follow my updates as I go through this journey. I love you all!