Im in heaven right now. Im chowing down on some yummy gummy bears. Okay I know not the healthiest thing to be snacking on. But my goodness ive been craving them for awhile. Gummys are my favorite. But i've been so afraid to try any for fear of them getting stuck. It's hard to chew them small and all. But my secret sister from MSSN sent me some tiny gummy bears in a package. And omg they are the most perfect size. So yeah, im in heaven!
I had an awesome weekend this past weekend. I went to visit some wonderful friends in North Carolina. I needed to get away so bad. I miss them terribly. While I was there, I discovered I could eat hamburger! Yay! I have to say it felt so good to be able to eat the same thing as the people around me. Of course I didn't eat it on a bun or with any toppings (except cheese and catsup). But it was delicious. I asked Sean to take something out of the freezer for me to cook tonight for dinner. He took out steak because he knows how much I love me a good steak. The truth is, I was scared to death to try and eat it. I've heard a lot of people have issues with it after being banded. Well, it took me an hour to eat a little 3oz steak, but it went down with no problems!!!
On another even more exciting note, it looks like my weight loss has picked up again. Thank goodness! I think it has to do with the fact that im actually eating real food now so that my body has something to burn. Drum roll please... I weighed in this morning at 338!!!! Im out of the 340s!! Yes!!!!!!!! My next goal is 325, how much I weighed when I gave birth to Elias. The goal is in sight. I can tell more and more than the weight is coming off. Not only are my clothes getting bigger, but I can fit into old clothes! Before surgery I bought a pair of jeans 2 sizes smaller than what I was wearing. I was able to someone squeeze tightly into them but I definately had a ways to go. Today, im wearing them. And surprise surprise, there are even a little bit big!! My favorite pair of camo jeans are next. I can get them on and I can button and zip them. But, they are still a little bit tight (in the butt mostly lol). My fingers are crossed that come this weekend, they will fit.
So the last few days have been great. No complaints! And I am so encouraged today by the number of the scale, and the number on the tag of my jeans!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
No No No!!!
So, im one of the unlucky ones. I guess its common though. After starting on soft foods, I see the number going up. No!!! I keep telling myself its ok its to be expected. After all, I was on straight liquids. Of course drinking water and eating ice for 2 weeks will make you lose weight. Im getting anxious to get my first fill. When that happens, ill start to lose the weight again. I don't go in for that until June 10th which seems like an eternity from now. If I gain back everything ive lose im going to be pissed. Im going the wrong way!!!
Im trying not to let that get me down though. Ive started working out at the YMCA. I do about 30 minutes of cardio. I know thats not a lot but my body is already asking me what the heck im doing. I also think I did a little bit too much around the house this week. My stomach hurts bad. So I have to take it easy (yeah right).
Today I am supposed to start solid foods. That means pretty much anything is fair game. But, im scared! I don't want food to get stuck. I don't want to gain any weight. But I can't go on not eating anything forever. I need to get the protein and other stuff in my body. When I do eat, I don't eat a lot. Im not sure if I feel full or not when I do eat. I think its more like my brain says okay its time to stop. I measure out everything I eat and use a small plate so that I don't eat too much. So that cant be the reason im gaining. I need to step away from the apple juice though. It has a lot of sugar and im becoming addicted to it. I don't want my body to depend on that sugar. Time to get it out of the house.
Im trying not to let that get me down though. Ive started working out at the YMCA. I do about 30 minutes of cardio. I know thats not a lot but my body is already asking me what the heck im doing. I also think I did a little bit too much around the house this week. My stomach hurts bad. So I have to take it easy (yeah right).
Today I am supposed to start solid foods. That means pretty much anything is fair game. But, im scared! I don't want food to get stuck. I don't want to gain any weight. But I can't go on not eating anything forever. I need to get the protein and other stuff in my body. When I do eat, I don't eat a lot. Im not sure if I feel full or not when I do eat. I think its more like my brain says okay its time to stop. I measure out everything I eat and use a small plate so that I don't eat too much. So that cant be the reason im gaining. I need to step away from the apple juice though. It has a lot of sugar and im becoming addicted to it. I don't want my body to depend on that sugar. Time to get it out of the house.
Friday, May 14, 2010
15 Days Out
Today I am 15 days post op. Im feeling pretty darn good. Yesterday I had some crazy pains in my left lower side. After thinking about it, I’ve come to the conclusion that it could have been ovulation pain. But, im not certain. My RE told me my left ovary was basically crap and wasn’t doing anything. Perhaps the weight I have lost has kicked it back into working. Who knows. But the pain isn’t there now and that is a good thing.
Im eating soft foods now. I thought that the liquid phase was tough. Boy was I wrong. Its easier for me to eat nothing than to come up with a soft food item. I lived for 2 days off chicken taco casserole (thanks to Jan and JT for teaching me that recipe!). We shredded the chicken so it could go down easily and it did. Im seriously thinking about making more, although I know my body needs to get into the habit of eating other things. I don’t like eggs, yogurt, oatmeal, protein drinks, and things along those lines. So it really makes it hard. I only have 6 more days though on this stage and I can move on to whole foods. Even then, im nervous about eating regular food. Im afraid of getting food stuck at my band. But, I wont know whats going to happen until I try it.
Yesterday we got a family membership to the YMCA. I’m excited about that. There are a few classes I would like to try out including a family kickboxing class. And I can sign Elias up for swimming lessons again.
As far as my weight loss, ive noticed it has slowed down a lot, which is normal. Perhaps its too much information, but I would rather weigh myself without clothes on. Clothes add weight and each item weighs a different amount. So I never know what the deal is. So, today’s naked weight (which ill be using from now on) was 340! I haven’t seen that number before. That means since surgery, im down 26 pounds! I can tell the different in my clothes. My jeans are getting too big. In fact, one of the pair I had up in the attack because they were too small, fit me perfectly today! So that’s encouraging. Well, time to get off this blasted computer and get to the case lot sale at the commissary!
Im eating soft foods now. I thought that the liquid phase was tough. Boy was I wrong. Its easier for me to eat nothing than to come up with a soft food item. I lived for 2 days off chicken taco casserole (thanks to Jan and JT for teaching me that recipe!). We shredded the chicken so it could go down easily and it did. Im seriously thinking about making more, although I know my body needs to get into the habit of eating other things. I don’t like eggs, yogurt, oatmeal, protein drinks, and things along those lines. So it really makes it hard. I only have 6 more days though on this stage and I can move on to whole foods. Even then, im nervous about eating regular food. Im afraid of getting food stuck at my band. But, I wont know whats going to happen until I try it.
Yesterday we got a family membership to the YMCA. I’m excited about that. There are a few classes I would like to try out including a family kickboxing class. And I can sign Elias up for swimming lessons again.
As far as my weight loss, ive noticed it has slowed down a lot, which is normal. Perhaps its too much information, but I would rather weigh myself without clothes on. Clothes add weight and each item weighs a different amount. So I never know what the deal is. So, today’s naked weight (which ill be using from now on) was 340! I haven’t seen that number before. That means since surgery, im down 26 pounds! I can tell the different in my clothes. My jeans are getting too big. In fact, one of the pair I had up in the attack because they were too small, fit me perfectly today! So that’s encouraging. Well, time to get off this blasted computer and get to the case lot sale at the commissary!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Doctors Visit
Well, today was doctor day. And it went really well. It started off with a quick visit with the nutritionist. I had asked for an appointment to meet with her about the protein issues and she had an opening right then. That went really well. She told me not to worry about it so much. Making sure I get all my liquids in (water mainly) and I would be alright. I told her that I kept feeling nauseous and she thought it was because im not drinking enough. I suppose its possible. Buts its constant drinking all the time! And about the desire to take big sips, she said its better to do a little too much than not enough. So, the protein shake mixes are going back to the store and im done with them.
So days weigh in at the doctors office was 343. Im very happy with that number. If you read my first blog posting, you would know I haven’t seen this number in over 4 years. So I have to be happy about it! My surgeon told me that my weight loss after surgery was the most he had seen in months! So that was very encouraging. He talked to me a little bit about my liver. He said it was pretty big, which was to be expected because of my size. Also, the hernia I had was very large as well. It was really pushing my up on my stomach I guess. It really explains all the reflux I was having. I even got to see a picture they took during surgery after my band was in place. Maybe im weird but I like those kinda things!
So, the phase im on now is soft foods. If you happen to think of a good recipe of food that would work for me, let me know. Ive got to stay away from starchy foods and stay as low carb, high protein as possible. I had a little piece of cheddar cheese tonight. It seemed to go down ok. I think the hardest thing will be not drinking during my meal. I stay on soft foods for 10 days and then can move on to solids. YAY! Looking forward to that, but at the same time nervous that im going to get “stuck” a lot.
So days weigh in at the doctors office was 343. Im very happy with that number. If you read my first blog posting, you would know I haven’t seen this number in over 4 years. So I have to be happy about it! My surgeon told me that my weight loss after surgery was the most he had seen in months! So that was very encouraging. He talked to me a little bit about my liver. He said it was pretty big, which was to be expected because of my size. Also, the hernia I had was very large as well. It was really pushing my up on my stomach I guess. It really explains all the reflux I was having. I even got to see a picture they took during surgery after my band was in place. Maybe im weird but I like those kinda things!
So, the phase im on now is soft foods. If you happen to think of a good recipe of food that would work for me, let me know. Ive got to stay away from starchy foods and stay as low carb, high protein as possible. I had a little piece of cheddar cheese tonight. It seemed to go down ok. I think the hardest thing will be not drinking during my meal. I stay on soft foods for 10 days and then can move on to solids. YAY! Looking forward to that, but at the same time nervous that im going to get “stuck” a lot.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Holy Hydration Batman!
I think I have drank more water today than I have in the last week. I dont know what the deal is. Obviously its good for me to be taking in a good amount of liquid. I was outside for a good portion of the day today. Maybe it was the heat that had me drinking. I found it more difficult today to take small sips and to spread them out. All I wanted to do was guzzle the entire bottle of water.
I also had a snow cone... or maybe rather an ice cone LOL. It was nice to be eat the same "something" that the rest of the people around me were eating.. even though it was a bit different. Everyone at the event I went to on post was eating! There was snow cones, cotton candy, cookies, chips, hot dogs, cake and who knows what else! Part of me really wanted that junk but Im determined to make this work!
Tomorrow should be a fun day. We are going up to Kings Dominion for the day. I'll be one of those cool people riding around in a motorized cart. I dont have a problem walking around for a little while but after a good 20 minutes of continual walking, im done for! Im not going to let my pain ruin everyones fun. I hope they don't mind that I bring water into the park. I've seen people take bottles of water to other theme parks so I dont see why they would.
So not too much else going on. Oh, I didn't take any pain medication all day today! Thats a huge improvement! I think im going to take one though here in a little bit before heading to bed. Getting comfortable in bed is still a challenge but is getting better. I typically sleep on my right side. Wouldn't ya know it, thats the side they placed my port for the band, and that area is what is still pretty tender. Eventually ill be able to sleep on my right side again... just like someday I will be able to eat normal food again. Im craving some potato soup. Perhaps not the "best" choice in food, but I should be able to eat some on Monday!
Oh yeah I cant forget todays weigh in. How does 346 sound? Sounds like something I havent seen for nearly 4 years! :)
I also had a snow cone... or maybe rather an ice cone LOL. It was nice to be eat the same "something" that the rest of the people around me were eating.. even though it was a bit different. Everyone at the event I went to on post was eating! There was snow cones, cotton candy, cookies, chips, hot dogs, cake and who knows what else! Part of me really wanted that junk but Im determined to make this work!
Tomorrow should be a fun day. We are going up to Kings Dominion for the day. I'll be one of those cool people riding around in a motorized cart. I dont have a problem walking around for a little while but after a good 20 minutes of continual walking, im done for! Im not going to let my pain ruin everyones fun. I hope they don't mind that I bring water into the park. I've seen people take bottles of water to other theme parks so I dont see why they would.
So not too much else going on. Oh, I didn't take any pain medication all day today! Thats a huge improvement! I think im going to take one though here in a little bit before heading to bed. Getting comfortable in bed is still a challenge but is getting better. I typically sleep on my right side. Wouldn't ya know it, thats the side they placed my port for the band, and that area is what is still pretty tender. Eventually ill be able to sleep on my right side again... just like someday I will be able to eat normal food again. Im craving some potato soup. Perhaps not the "best" choice in food, but I should be able to eat some on Monday!
Oh yeah I cant forget todays weigh in. How does 346 sound? Sounds like something I havent seen for nearly 4 years! :)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Oh The Pain!
Isn't having gas great? I've felt the horrible pains in my back and a bit in my neck for awhile. But today, the pain in my shoulder is killer. Maybe ive just been over doing it the last 2 days I dont know. I decided to drive today. The dr told me to wait about 5 days to drive. Today is day 6. Im pretty sure the reason was to make sure I wasn't driving while on the lovely pain killers he gave me.
Anyway, I was feeling ok after being up for a little bit and decided to drive a few places. While at the Dollar Store, I felt like I was burning up. It wasnt hot in there, although its been quite warm outside. I kept sipping on my water. Finally I decided I needed to go out to the car and sit for a little bit in the AC. I was ok after awhile. Next stop was to Ross's. Walked around for awhile and the same thing happened. I found a place to sit for a little while and felt ok. So I got up and started walking around a bit again, and once again I felt horrible and started sweating big time! So I decided it was time for me to again go and sit in the AC. For some reason when I was in the car I was perfectly fine. But every time I went into a store, I felt like something was wrong.
Our final stop was the commissary to pick up a few groceries. I drolled as I went down every isle. Does anyone think I could take an oreo and soak it in milk untl its mush and then eat that next week during my "mushy foods" stage? Anyway I was doing alright and then the pain in my shoulder kicked in. Lord have mercy it freaking hurt. Nothing I did helped. I took up, I sat down, I walked around, I rubbed it, nothing! Finally Sean showed up. At that point the pain was so bad I didnt trust myself driving home. So we checked out and he followed me most of the way home until I felt comfortable enough.
The first thing I got when I walked in the door was my beloved gas-x medicine! I was really hoping I wouldnt have to take another pain pill today until bed time but being in so much pain, I gave in. So now, I sit on the couch with a heating pad on my shoulder which I think is helping. Hopefully Sean has a handle on dinner tonight because I dont feel like doing anything right now. I didnt realize just how much pain can take out of you. I think part of my problem is i havent had any of my protein shake today. Blah! I know I need to though. But an ice pop sounds so much more appitizing.
And if you're curious what I weighed in at today, check it out. I dont have to worry about meeting that goal on Monday. I weighed in at 350 today! Woohoo! Crazy to see this weight drop off so fast!
Anyway, I was feeling ok after being up for a little bit and decided to drive a few places. While at the Dollar Store, I felt like I was burning up. It wasnt hot in there, although its been quite warm outside. I kept sipping on my water. Finally I decided I needed to go out to the car and sit for a little bit in the AC. I was ok after awhile. Next stop was to Ross's. Walked around for awhile and the same thing happened. I found a place to sit for a little while and felt ok. So I got up and started walking around a bit again, and once again I felt horrible and started sweating big time! So I decided it was time for me to again go and sit in the AC. For some reason when I was in the car I was perfectly fine. But every time I went into a store, I felt like something was wrong.
Our final stop was the commissary to pick up a few groceries. I drolled as I went down every isle. Does anyone think I could take an oreo and soak it in milk untl its mush and then eat that next week during my "mushy foods" stage? Anyway I was doing alright and then the pain in my shoulder kicked in. Lord have mercy it freaking hurt. Nothing I did helped. I took up, I sat down, I walked around, I rubbed it, nothing! Finally Sean showed up. At that point the pain was so bad I didnt trust myself driving home. So we checked out and he followed me most of the way home until I felt comfortable enough.
The first thing I got when I walked in the door was my beloved gas-x medicine! I was really hoping I wouldnt have to take another pain pill today until bed time but being in so much pain, I gave in. So now, I sit on the couch with a heating pad on my shoulder which I think is helping. Hopefully Sean has a handle on dinner tonight because I dont feel like doing anything right now. I didnt realize just how much pain can take out of you. I think part of my problem is i havent had any of my protein shake today. Blah! I know I need to though. But an ice pop sounds so much more appitizing.
And if you're curious what I weighed in at today, check it out. I dont have to worry about meeting that goal on Monday. I weighed in at 350 today! Woohoo! Crazy to see this weight drop off so fast!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Blasted Protein Shakes
God I totally hate these protein shakes. I knew they were going to be an issue for me. Ive never liked any kind of "diet" shake. They just taste like crap to me. I know I need to get protein into my body. I've managed to get 1oz down today. Yesterday I was able to get 2oz down. Today, im shooting for 3oz. That really isn't a lot I know. But see, you cant just gulp it down. To learn to sip and drink slowly, I use a 1oz medicine cup. That 1oz cup should take me 15 minutes to drink. When its something you don't like, thats torture! So I take one sip of protein shake, and then a sip of crystal light to wash it down lol. I am really hoping by time I move to mushy foods that I will have a good idea of foods I can eat that are high in protein so I can eliminate these shakes. If you have any ideas, throw them my way!
Im still blown away by how fast this weight is coming off. I weighed in this morning at 352. I know that once I start on mushy foods and eventually solids, that the number will slow and possible go up for a brief period. But wow! I thought my goal of getting to 350 by my appointment on Monday was unrealistic. I guess not!
On another note, we start our training to become foster parents tonight! I am so excited! We have been looking forward to this for a long time and its finally here! All the classes will be completed this month. Im not sure what all happens next but I know we cant be too far off from being licensed! Its very exciting!
If you get a moment, please click up on the top left where it says "follow me" so that you receive my new updates. And feel free to comment! I love hearing from everyone and its encouraging to know that people out there are reading this!
Im still blown away by how fast this weight is coming off. I weighed in this morning at 352. I know that once I start on mushy foods and eventually solids, that the number will slow and possible go up for a brief period. But wow! I thought my goal of getting to 350 by my appointment on Monday was unrealistic. I guess not!
On another note, we start our training to become foster parents tonight! I am so excited! We have been looking forward to this for a long time and its finally here! All the classes will be completed this month. Im not sure what all happens next but I know we cant be too far off from being licensed! Its very exciting!
If you get a moment, please click up on the top left where it says "follow me" so that you receive my new updates. And feel free to comment! I love hearing from everyone and its encouraging to know that people out there are reading this!
Monday, May 3, 2010
A Little Background
I have always been overweight. The reason behind it, I really don't know. Perhaps it was the foods I grew up eating, the lack of self esteem, or just putting myself last all these years. No matter the reason, I’ve struggled with weight my entire life.
The first time I realized I was "fat" was in 6th grade. I didn't understand why the gym teacher took my weight in her office alone rather than with the other kids. That year, I realized why. She didn't want me to feel embarrassed as the others weighed in at a normal range, and I weighed in at a whopping 206 pounds. That’s right...I was 206 pounds in 6th grade. I couldn't do a lot of the things the other kids did. Forget doing the mile run in gym class. I walked it and it took me forever. Forget getting picked to be on someone’s team. Who would want the fat kid? I tried to stay away from people as much as I could because I knew I wasn't liked. Of course there were other things going on in my life that didn't make it any easier. The easiest thing for me to do was make myself as unattractive as possible so I didn’t have to deal with it.
I tried to be active ate not eat a lot but that didn't do any good. The next time I remember getting weighed was in high school. 206 pounds had come and gone. I was now up to 265. Think about it. Could you imagine your 14 year old weighing 265 pounds? I was always dressed in sweat pants or anything baggy I could find. That surely didn’t help my appearance at all. But I didn't care.
When I moved to Maine, I decided it was time to make a change. I didn't know how to change my eating habits but it was definitely helpful to be with a family who didn't feed me cheeseburgers every night. I decided I wasn't going to let other people have control over my life. I tried to put the past behind me and move on. I really made 180 degree turn. Surprisingly, I started to make friends. I can't say that I became the best of friends with any of them. I mean I didn't know how to really make friends. I just tried to be involved in as many activities as I could so I wasn’t alone. I definitely didn't lose any weight through high school. In fact, I know I still gained some but how much I don’t know. But at that point, I at least felt better about myself!
Now fast forward a few years. Sean and I started talking to each other when I was still living in NY. People who heard about him laughed at me. I had an "internet boyfriend". Yeah, that’s weird. Especially for someone like me. But things kept going well between us, we finally met face to face, dated, and my senior year of high school we were engaged. Yep, I was pretty young. I never in a thousand years thought that someone would actually like me for me and look beyond my fatness. I moved to Michigan to go to college so I could be closer to Sean. Freshman year of college was amazing and I made some wonderful friends who I will cherish forever. The summer after my freshman year of college Sean and I got married! Our wedding was nice, but not what I wanted. I felt pretty in my wedding dress but, I was fat! I didn’t get to pick from a ton of dresses because of my size. That really sucked. Because of that, I settled on everything about the wedding. I really wish I hadn’t though. But I didn’t know any better. About 6 months after getting married, we found out that we were expecting a baby! A complete surprise and blessing. When I went to my first OB appointment, I had to stand on the blasted scale. I hadn’t gotten on one in years. I knew I was fat why did I need to see a number? Well, I stepped on it and I weighed 315 pounds. Wow. I cried that day. The first time I really remember crying over my weight. What was happening to me? My dr told me not to worry too much about it and to be careful what I ate, but not to neglect myself. Luckily, I weighed 325 when I gave birth to Elias, who weighed 8pounds 2oz. So I didn’t gain that much. Of course, the intense morning sickness I’m sure helped keep my weight gain low.
I’m sure most mothers know that after having a baby, you have absolutely no time for yourself. Our eating habits were horrible. The next thing I knew, I weighed 345. Up up and up the scale kept going. Absolutely nothing I tried helped. About 2 years after Elias was born, Sean decided he was going to go into the Army. He needed to get back into shape and I tagged along when I could to get some exercise. I never did step back on a scale after seeing that 345 despite the increased exercise. I figured it wouldn’t work anyway. Sean enlisted the summer of 2006. It was obvious at that point I was well over 350 pounds. Up until now we didn’t have any medical insurance. Now however, we had insurance through the Army. I decided to look into weight loss surgery. The only thing that our insurance would cover at the time was gastric bypass. As much as I wanted to get this weight off, I couldn’t bring myself to the point of letting someone cut off part of my stomach. The risks were just too great for me. I looked up information about the lap-band and thought that it would be a wonderful thing for me. But again, insurance wouldn’t cover it and we didn’t have the thousands of dollars to pay for it.
About 2 years later, I had a medical issue that needed to be taken care of. I went to the dr and of course, they made me step on the scale. I was up to 365. The dr of course said that I needed to lose weight. I started thinking about the lap-band again. I then found out that our insurance started covering the procedure. It became a reality that I could actually do that. The only problem, I wasn’t ready to give up food and my way of thinking about it. Fast forward to about a year ago. I decided I was sick and tired of being fat. I was still unsure about giving up the way I eat and things like that. My doctor really encouraged me to at least attend a seminar about the lap-band to get more information. I agreed. At first I was all ready to jump in and do it. Then, the more I thought about it I realized I wasn’t ready. What would be the deciding factor to make me get ready?
Well, that came in October. I had been going through fertility treatments for a good year. We finally got pregnant! Unfortunately, we lost the baby at 6 ½ weeks. Being overweight doesn’t cause a person to miscarry but of course, extra weight doesn’t help the issue at all. I decided enough was enough. I’ve had it with this weight. I was ready to commit. If getting this weight off would help us get pregnant, or open more possibilities in our fertility treatment, I am ready to do it. After leaving the fertility clinic, I went straight over to the weight loss clinic. I told them I was ready and got all the information needed for testing, psych evaluations, and the whole nine yards.
On March 8th I had a meeting with my surgeon. I weighed in at my heaviest 377 pounds. After examining me, he felt that I was a great candidate for the surgery. I was tall which is helpful, had a good amount of muscle, and was motivated to do this. I submitted my testing and other information required by insurance just before Easter. On April 20th I found out that my insurance had approved me for the surgery! I was so excited, scared, anxious, you name it! I figured it would be probably at least a month until surgery. Boy was I wrong. I got a call from my surgeons office that day. They had someone cancel their surgery scheduled on April 29th and wondered if I would like their spot. Oh my goodness… 9 days until surgery. I said yes and immediately started a pre-op diet. Many people have very strict pre-op diets however my surgeon wasn’t that way. He just asked that you switch to high protein and low carbs to try and prepare yourself for what is to come. I did the best I could and it definitely paid off. On April 26th I went to see the surgeon to sign my surgery papers. Of course, another weigh in. This time, I couldn’t believe it. The scale said 366. I said to the nurse omg I lost weight! She looked it up and sure enough, I was down 11 pounds. I had never in my entire life seen the scale go down. Talk about awesome motivation for the surgery.
So, finally April 29th came. I had so many different emotions running through my head. I could have very easily not gone to the hospital that day. But, I knew I had to. It was time for me to change. I couldn’t go on this way anymore. The nurse I had while I was in prep was great. So were the rest of the nurses during my entire stay at the hospital. My surgeon came in to see me and said, are you ready? I said yep! I went down to the operating room. I remember going from the bed I was in onto the operating table. I believe they then put a mask on me and I was out. Next thing I knew, I woke up in the recovery room. The nurse there was amazing. I kept saying it hurt and she pushed more pain meds into my IV. I know I was in recovery for a good amount of time but it felt like I was asking for pain meds every 5 minutes LOL. I remember saying to her that I was sorry I kept asking for meds. She told me not to worry about it and it was important for me to continue asking until I was comfortable. I dozed in and out for awhile while I waited to be transferred to my room. I remember asking if the surgery went ok and she said yes, and that the surgeon also repaired a hernia. A hernia? I didn’t even really know what that was or that I had one. But I was glad that it was fixed while he was in there. So for the next 24 hours I was in the hospital. The pain sucked. I tried to get up and walk around as much as possible. Before I knew it though, it was time to go home.
When I got home I was curious if I had lost any weight just in the 24 hours since surgery. I stepped up on the scale and was at 370. WTF? Then I remembered I had been pumped full of IV fluids, was bloated, had a lot of gas, and was swollen. So I didn’t worry about that number. I’ve weighed myself practically every day. Okay, more than once a day. But, the numbers are going down. I am so excited to say that this morning I weighed 357! That means including my pre-op diet up until now, I’ve lost a whopping 20 pounds. Of course I’m losing weight faster being on a liquid diet. My biggest fear is getting enough protein in my body. Protein shakes are not the best. On top of that, it is supposed to take me 15 minutes to drink 1oz of liquid. If you don’t know how much that is, go look for one of those medicine cups that come with liquid medication. That’s 1oz. If I could just gulp it down that would be easy. But, I can’t. So I’m learning how to sip slowly, and constantly. Its work that’s for sure.
Well, now you are caught up to where I am. I didn’t tell many people about my surgery because I didn’t want negative comments. Please don’t think that if I didn’t tell you it was because I thought you would be negative. I just didn’t tell many. And to be quite honest, being this big is embarrassing. I bet some of you couldn’t believe how much I weigh. Thankfully I hide a lot of it well. Anyway, please continue to follow my updates as I go through this journey. I love you all!
The first time I realized I was "fat" was in 6th grade. I didn't understand why the gym teacher took my weight in her office alone rather than with the other kids. That year, I realized why. She didn't want me to feel embarrassed as the others weighed in at a normal range, and I weighed in at a whopping 206 pounds. That’s right...I was 206 pounds in 6th grade. I couldn't do a lot of the things the other kids did. Forget doing the mile run in gym class. I walked it and it took me forever. Forget getting picked to be on someone’s team. Who would want the fat kid? I tried to stay away from people as much as I could because I knew I wasn't liked. Of course there were other things going on in my life that didn't make it any easier. The easiest thing for me to do was make myself as unattractive as possible so I didn’t have to deal with it.
I tried to be active ate not eat a lot but that didn't do any good. The next time I remember getting weighed was in high school. 206 pounds had come and gone. I was now up to 265. Think about it. Could you imagine your 14 year old weighing 265 pounds? I was always dressed in sweat pants or anything baggy I could find. That surely didn’t help my appearance at all. But I didn't care.
When I moved to Maine, I decided it was time to make a change. I didn't know how to change my eating habits but it was definitely helpful to be with a family who didn't feed me cheeseburgers every night. I decided I wasn't going to let other people have control over my life. I tried to put the past behind me and move on. I really made 180 degree turn. Surprisingly, I started to make friends. I can't say that I became the best of friends with any of them. I mean I didn't know how to really make friends. I just tried to be involved in as many activities as I could so I wasn’t alone. I definitely didn't lose any weight through high school. In fact, I know I still gained some but how much I don’t know. But at that point, I at least felt better about myself!
Now fast forward a few years. Sean and I started talking to each other when I was still living in NY. People who heard about him laughed at me. I had an "internet boyfriend". Yeah, that’s weird. Especially for someone like me. But things kept going well between us, we finally met face to face, dated, and my senior year of high school we were engaged. Yep, I was pretty young. I never in a thousand years thought that someone would actually like me for me and look beyond my fatness. I moved to Michigan to go to college so I could be closer to Sean. Freshman year of college was amazing and I made some wonderful friends who I will cherish forever. The summer after my freshman year of college Sean and I got married! Our wedding was nice, but not what I wanted. I felt pretty in my wedding dress but, I was fat! I didn’t get to pick from a ton of dresses because of my size. That really sucked. Because of that, I settled on everything about the wedding. I really wish I hadn’t though. But I didn’t know any better. About 6 months after getting married, we found out that we were expecting a baby! A complete surprise and blessing. When I went to my first OB appointment, I had to stand on the blasted scale. I hadn’t gotten on one in years. I knew I was fat why did I need to see a number? Well, I stepped on it and I weighed 315 pounds. Wow. I cried that day. The first time I really remember crying over my weight. What was happening to me? My dr told me not to worry too much about it and to be careful what I ate, but not to neglect myself. Luckily, I weighed 325 when I gave birth to Elias, who weighed 8pounds 2oz. So I didn’t gain that much. Of course, the intense morning sickness I’m sure helped keep my weight gain low.
I’m sure most mothers know that after having a baby, you have absolutely no time for yourself. Our eating habits were horrible. The next thing I knew, I weighed 345. Up up and up the scale kept going. Absolutely nothing I tried helped. About 2 years after Elias was born, Sean decided he was going to go into the Army. He needed to get back into shape and I tagged along when I could to get some exercise. I never did step back on a scale after seeing that 345 despite the increased exercise. I figured it wouldn’t work anyway. Sean enlisted the summer of 2006. It was obvious at that point I was well over 350 pounds. Up until now we didn’t have any medical insurance. Now however, we had insurance through the Army. I decided to look into weight loss surgery. The only thing that our insurance would cover at the time was gastric bypass. As much as I wanted to get this weight off, I couldn’t bring myself to the point of letting someone cut off part of my stomach. The risks were just too great for me. I looked up information about the lap-band and thought that it would be a wonderful thing for me. But again, insurance wouldn’t cover it and we didn’t have the thousands of dollars to pay for it.
About 2 years later, I had a medical issue that needed to be taken care of. I went to the dr and of course, they made me step on the scale. I was up to 365. The dr of course said that I needed to lose weight. I started thinking about the lap-band again. I then found out that our insurance started covering the procedure. It became a reality that I could actually do that. The only problem, I wasn’t ready to give up food and my way of thinking about it. Fast forward to about a year ago. I decided I was sick and tired of being fat. I was still unsure about giving up the way I eat and things like that. My doctor really encouraged me to at least attend a seminar about the lap-band to get more information. I agreed. At first I was all ready to jump in and do it. Then, the more I thought about it I realized I wasn’t ready. What would be the deciding factor to make me get ready?
Well, that came in October. I had been going through fertility treatments for a good year. We finally got pregnant! Unfortunately, we lost the baby at 6 ½ weeks. Being overweight doesn’t cause a person to miscarry but of course, extra weight doesn’t help the issue at all. I decided enough was enough. I’ve had it with this weight. I was ready to commit. If getting this weight off would help us get pregnant, or open more possibilities in our fertility treatment, I am ready to do it. After leaving the fertility clinic, I went straight over to the weight loss clinic. I told them I was ready and got all the information needed for testing, psych evaluations, and the whole nine yards.
On March 8th I had a meeting with my surgeon. I weighed in at my heaviest 377 pounds. After examining me, he felt that I was a great candidate for the surgery. I was tall which is helpful, had a good amount of muscle, and was motivated to do this. I submitted my testing and other information required by insurance just before Easter. On April 20th I found out that my insurance had approved me for the surgery! I was so excited, scared, anxious, you name it! I figured it would be probably at least a month until surgery. Boy was I wrong. I got a call from my surgeons office that day. They had someone cancel their surgery scheduled on April 29th and wondered if I would like their spot. Oh my goodness… 9 days until surgery. I said yes and immediately started a pre-op diet. Many people have very strict pre-op diets however my surgeon wasn’t that way. He just asked that you switch to high protein and low carbs to try and prepare yourself for what is to come. I did the best I could and it definitely paid off. On April 26th I went to see the surgeon to sign my surgery papers. Of course, another weigh in. This time, I couldn’t believe it. The scale said 366. I said to the nurse omg I lost weight! She looked it up and sure enough, I was down 11 pounds. I had never in my entire life seen the scale go down. Talk about awesome motivation for the surgery.
So, finally April 29th came. I had so many different emotions running through my head. I could have very easily not gone to the hospital that day. But, I knew I had to. It was time for me to change. I couldn’t go on this way anymore. The nurse I had while I was in prep was great. So were the rest of the nurses during my entire stay at the hospital. My surgeon came in to see me and said, are you ready? I said yep! I went down to the operating room. I remember going from the bed I was in onto the operating table. I believe they then put a mask on me and I was out. Next thing I knew, I woke up in the recovery room. The nurse there was amazing. I kept saying it hurt and she pushed more pain meds into my IV. I know I was in recovery for a good amount of time but it felt like I was asking for pain meds every 5 minutes LOL. I remember saying to her that I was sorry I kept asking for meds. She told me not to worry about it and it was important for me to continue asking until I was comfortable. I dozed in and out for awhile while I waited to be transferred to my room. I remember asking if the surgery went ok and she said yes, and that the surgeon also repaired a hernia. A hernia? I didn’t even really know what that was or that I had one. But I was glad that it was fixed while he was in there. So for the next 24 hours I was in the hospital. The pain sucked. I tried to get up and walk around as much as possible. Before I knew it though, it was time to go home.
When I got home I was curious if I had lost any weight just in the 24 hours since surgery. I stepped up on the scale and was at 370. WTF? Then I remembered I had been pumped full of IV fluids, was bloated, had a lot of gas, and was swollen. So I didn’t worry about that number. I’ve weighed myself practically every day. Okay, more than once a day. But, the numbers are going down. I am so excited to say that this morning I weighed 357! That means including my pre-op diet up until now, I’ve lost a whopping 20 pounds. Of course I’m losing weight faster being on a liquid diet. My biggest fear is getting enough protein in my body. Protein shakes are not the best. On top of that, it is supposed to take me 15 minutes to drink 1oz of liquid. If you don’t know how much that is, go look for one of those medicine cups that come with liquid medication. That’s 1oz. If I could just gulp it down that would be easy. But, I can’t. So I’m learning how to sip slowly, and constantly. Its work that’s for sure.
Well, now you are caught up to where I am. I didn’t tell many people about my surgery because I didn’t want negative comments. Please don’t think that if I didn’t tell you it was because I thought you would be negative. I just didn’t tell many. And to be quite honest, being this big is embarrassing. I bet some of you couldn’t believe how much I weigh. Thankfully I hide a lot of it well. Anyway, please continue to follow my updates as I go through this journey. I love you all!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
